Ain't what it used to be
by darkenedsmile
Summary: Riley finds herself 'dreaming' of Superjail, causing a mild freak out. Will she survive this brightly colored slaughterhouse? And will a mischievous duo leave her alone already? Not planning to make this for romance, but if there is one later oh well. Rated M cuz I might get descriptive with the violence.
1. Chapter 1

Riley Starr was not having a good day. Sure, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, but that didn't do anything good for her mood. No, if anything, it made her grouchier than ever. It was like the world was taunting her, mocking the female's fortune. What was so wrong, you ask? For starters, Riley was trying to dye her hair, touch it up with some highlights. But somehow the stylist mixed up the colours and now her hair was green. _Green._ As in Batman's archenemy the Joker colored hair. Obviously furious, she yelled at the idiocy of the stylist for screwing up so badly, only to have been dragged out of the store with a threat of calling the police. That really put a sour taste in her mouth.

Well, a few hours and an arrest later, Riley got payback. She got loads of lectures from her mom and stepdad about how 'immature it was to cut the power to the place' or how 'irresponsible it was to hack into their sound system and make it play Anaconda over and over again at full blast'. Okay, she didn't like the song either but the reactions of the mothers in there was hilarious. Needless to say, she was grounded for the unforeseeable future.

"Yeah, I get that what I did was wrong, blah blah blah, but isn't grounding for that long a little over the top?" She had snuck away her laptop, currently skyping to her childhood friend Percy. And no, there was no secret crush on either side. Percy came out of the closet years ago.

"Yeah, but what you did was pretty crazy, Ri." Oh Percy, you voice of reason. "I mean, yeah, dying your hair green was pretty bad-"

"-And threatening to call the cops on me."

"-But you could have, I don't know, demanded your money back? Threatened to sue? Those both are more logical responses."

"Psh, thanks Spock. Ugh, I hate it when you're right."

This was rewarded with a smug smirk on his part. "I hear hate but I know you mean love."

"Yeah, yeah." There he goes again, making her smile, cheering her up. There aren't many friends like Percy in the world, but if you ever get one, cherish the time you have together. "Listen, I have to go. Any longer and the step crab will confiscate my baby." Riley loves her computer. Bought with her own hard earned cash, she treats it like it was her firstborn child.

"Alright, alright. I probably have to get off soon anyway. Cute bob though. It suits you. And go easy on Brian, he's trying. Later."

Before Riley could retort in any way he hung up, leaving her alone. And so we meet our hero, Riley; the senior problem child. Nah, she's not that much of a problem. Other than her hacking(excuse me-programming) she's an alright normal eighteen year old. No bullies, no dark secrets, no mysterious past. She could easily be you or me.

"Ugh. Well, at least they let me keep tv." The female shrugged, closing her precious laptop and tenderly placing it under her bed before lying on top of her covers. Once Brian brought a flat screen home, they had their old box for grabs. So now she's got a tv in her room. "Oh sweet, adult swim." After a few moments of channel surfing, she had found her favorite program-adult swim, if you hadn't guessed. Already on was the giraffe in quicksand going through the stages of grief. "Pffft, this thing is great." She chuckled, getting herself cozy as she turned off the lights.

"Just a few episodes then I'll hit the sack." A promise she instantly wouldn't keep. Ten more episodes later, and she was fighting the sand man's call to dream land. "No... five more minutes..." she grumbled, making the big mistake of closing her eyes. Being that tired, closing your eyes means you're not opening them until tomorrow when you wake up.

 _Life on the outside ain't what it used to be..._

"...Ugh, must've left the tv on again..." Riley groaned, battling her body as she tried to wake up.

 _The world's gone crazy and it ain't safe on the street._

"wait...since when did I have surround sound?"

 _It's a drag, I know. There's only one place to go._

With a groan, she sat up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes before she opened them.

She wished she kept her eyes closed. All around her was yellow buildings, with rainbows and robotic arms and top hats and rainbows. She wasn't in her bed. She was on top of the roof of one of the buildings. "This...This is..."

 _Back where I came from, I'm coming home._

"Superjail."

And that's when the panic kicks in. "Nonono, this is not happening! It cannot be happening. This is a tv show. A cartoon! A cartoon full of rainbows and sunshine and viscera and constant brutality...oh man I'm screwed." Remember the giraffe? Guess who is the giraffe now. That's right. This gal.

"Okay. This is fine. We'll be just fine. Just stay it of sight, don't cause trouble, and stay away from the inmates. And jailbot. And Alice. And pretty much every body. Just... Yeah. Hide. "

After a good amount of freaking out and then calming herself down, then freaking out again, Riley finally decided to take action. She looked out, scanning the area. " _Legolas, what do your elf eyes see?_ hehe. Well I don't see any hobbits being taken to Isengard. Just a lot of cutthroat guys in...wolf and bunny suits." And so they were. Half of the inmates were pink fluffy bunnies and the other were wolves. "Pilot then? Heh. I always did think this prank the Twins pulled was funny. Until it went downhill. As always."

Soon enough, she witnessed the Warden coming down to the treadmilling duo, revealing his twist. Soon every wolf clad man was literal wolves, slaughtering the bunny suited felons left and right. Seeing it on the screen was pretty horrific, but witnessing it first-hand...it made her go pale at the gore. "Oh god."

The twins vanished on cue, just according to script, appearing who knows where. Where? The same roof top as the greenhaired protagonist. After all, those two have a knack of making trouble. They said nothing, giving a look towards her, then at each other.

"It appears this hiding place is taken."

"Affirmative."

"Cheese and crackers!" She jumped, whirling around just as they teleported away again. "Well that's great. ...those two are going to be a pain in my side, aren't they."


	2. 2: Curses, foiled again!

"Two days. That's all I got through. Two. _fucking._ Days." Riley groaned, two hands anguishingly covering her face. Albeit, it was a miracle she was undetected for even an hour. Today she just finally lost her lucky streak.

From day one, she did whatever she could to stay out of sight. That meant leaping across rooftops, crawling in vents, climbing in the rafters, you name it. She also swore to stay as far away as she could to the convicts. That was an instant red flag. But oh, she made her grave mistake when giving into nature's call, rushing to the girl's room. She knew her goose was cooked once she ran into a wall of pure muscle. And boobs.

"And what have we here?" A gruff voice asked, although it sounded very rhetorical. Recovering from impact, Riley looked up at the looming figure was well endowed, with muscles and a womanly chest. Arms were rippling with strength, coated in hair. A strong chin with a hint of stubble, lips colored red. Ginger hair tied back. You got it. It's Alice. Who else would be in the ladies room?

"Uhhh..." she froze, brain threatening to shut down on her. Oh shit, she's screwed. Should she run? Hell no, Alice would catch up way easy and I'm pretty sure that would lead to death. So standing there like an idiot it is. "Hi?"

And that's how she's standing in front of a mustard yellow desk, doing her best not to stare at the characters before her. There's Alice, currently looming behind her, arms crossed. Her whole demeanor screamed _Just try to run. I dare you._ That was actually pretty terrifying. Then there was a man that she could assume was Jared. He did indeed have a big head. Insanely disproportionate? No, but it was large. His face was full of the telltale signs of stress, bags under his eyes-which were darting around as if expecting something to jump out and kill him. Well, that's not a delusional idea. And then, there was _him._ The head honcho himself. A middle aged madman clad in a capricious eggplantcolored suit. His front teeth did have a noticeable gap, but it was obvious the cartoon exaggerated some characteristics. He grinned like a normal human being, acted like one too. But she looked at his eyes, and couldn't help but shiver. His gaze held not a glimmer of sanity. Only madness, with a look you see actors try to mimic in horror films. Only this was real. This was the Warden.

"Aaaaaand who's this little green haired gal, hmmm?" He hummed, on the edge of his seat. "Oh let me guess! An inmate's old flame? A telemarketer? A singing telegram!" He wasn't serious, was he?

"Uhh...no?"

"Perhaps a new criminal guest of ours-"

"-sir, she's not in our records." Ah, the jittery potato speaks.

"You know if you actually asked said person in sure they know," Riley interjected. That really got their attention drawn to her. All three pairs of eyes (and a monitor) were on her. "Oh shit. Um, hi. I'm Riley? And I'm legit lost, so... yeah. "

"Riley! What a fun name! RileyRileyRileyRileyRileyRiley-"

"Warden. Can we hurry this up? I'm behind my weights schedule."

"Right right right. Sorry. Alice dear, you can go."

And then there were two sets of eyes on her. "Well, Riley. Seeing that you'll be most likely here for a while, aaand we have yet to find your records, we're going to consider you a guest! Won't this be fun! So, I'm not planning on accommodating for you, so don't ask. Other than food, clothes, water, you're getting nothing from me. You find yourself some spot to call home. Kay? We won't force you into the fun things we have going on, but Jailbot will be keeping an eye on you."

Oh wow. This she did not expect. Although at first seeming rude, it made sense not to give her a bed. If they did, it would be bunking up with a criminal, rearranging the entire system. Food and spare clothes was plenty. "Oh wow. Alright. Thank god though, I thought you were going to partner be up with a sex offender."

"Weeeell, if we find you on the list, you just might be."

"Ah fuck."

"It seems that the green female has been seen."

"But not seen for as she seems."

"We too will keep an eye on her, ha. Ha ha. Ha."


	3. 3: surf's up

"Well, this is just great." Riley sighed, finding herself now clad in inmate orange. She had refused to wear the guard skirts, leaving her with this choice. However, she gave it a bit of her own touch, tying it off at the waist and keeping her original shirt which held a graphic design of a doughnut mourning over another, bitten and jelly filling pooling out. Coincidence had a dark sense of humor, giving the fact blood was shed here on a daily basis. Still, she supposed that she could consider herself lucky. Despite being a trespasser/unregistered convict, she didn't get locked up with anyone. Now she just had to find herself some sleeping accommodations.

"That can't be too hard, right? Superjail is huge, so I've got loads of choices," she mused as she walked, climbing back up to the rafters. No way did she want to get anywhere near the catcalling criminals. "I just got to find somewhere safe, with no chance of getting slaughtered. Or raped. Or mutilated... Okay this is going to be harder than I thought." The female sighed, perching herself above the halls. Walking past her, to and from, were hundreds of coldblooded, hardened criminals. One bumps into another, and the fists start flying. Then knives. Then blood, and finally body parts. Riley almost vomited as an eyeball, still twitching, flew up and hit her in the face. "Nope. Nope nope nope nope." She rushed off, Alice coming to break the fight up as she fled the mess.

"Okay Riley. You're going to be just fine. Just find somewhere-What the-!" With a yank at her shoulders, she jerked back. Eyes wide, heart racing, Riley turned her head to see what had happened. Was it Jailbot? Jackknife? Alice? A freaking rapist?

"Needing someplace to lay low?" Nope, just something debatably worse.

"A low place to go?" Yep. These two. Carboncopied, unibrowed blonds from outer space.

"The Twins." She groaned, realizing they merely teleported and hooked their arms out to grab her. What on earth were they doing with this direct approach? "What do you two want?"

"We only offer our help, green-haired Riley," the one on the left smirked, the right soon to follow.

"An offer we know you can't refuse."

An eyebrow rose. "Help? What, are you offering me a place to stay? What's the catch? What mischief are you guys up to now?" Okay, something must be going on. The Twins don't ever just help people, unless it creates havoc and mischief for their own amusement. Jared drinking the concoction to feel powerful is an example.

Two pairs of eyes looked at each other, lips twitching upwards before resuming eye contact on the human. "A safe placement of respite you are so desperate for-"

"-And you question our intentions?" They chuckle their monotonous laughter. "She is clever, brother."

"Agreed. The Riley should be most entertaining."

Okaaaaay, going to try and ignore that. Ugh, fine. I'll accept your offer." With a facepalm, she gave a shrug. "You guys sleep on table things anyway."

With another silent look to each other, lips twitching into two smirks, the two, still holding onto Riley, teleported in a flash of green light.

"Holy shit!" She reeled, head spinning. "Warn a gal before you send her molecules somewhere else!" But this got her no pity, only empty laughter.

"But that would not be as fun." Hands finally let go of her as the duo rested on their chairs. This left Riley annoyed, but with the opportunity to look around. Getting up to her feet, it didn't take long for her to recognize the Twins' lair from the cartoon. Only there were a lot more noises and lights, assorted sports equipment, and possibly a snowglobe.

Soooooo... cool place you got here."

This seemed like the right thing to say, awarded by the two fighting grins, which turned into smug looks. "Yes, it is quite cool."

"Our domain should be as cool as ourselves."

"Oookay." This earned an eyeroll. Of course they'd think they were cool, those space nerds.

About to open her mouth to comment, she was sent in a flash of green to a different room in superjail. She found herself sitting at a table, across from her were the blonds sipping a drink.

"It appears like the buffoon has built a saloon."

"A saloon for baboons." Her befuddled face soon flashed with recognition as they chuckled to each other, making monkey noises.

"Superbar...so we're going in order, huh?" she mumbled to herself. The green hair (or boobs) seemed to also get a few inmates' attention, some creeping closer to their table. She scowled, giving a couple a look. Obviously, this didn't scare them, these are hardened criminals for crying out loud.

"And what are you fellas up to?" A gruff voice asked. This got them and Riley to look up. Alice, bringing along her date via leash stood by. This got them to start rethinking their choice, backing away. "That's what I thought." She smiled, turning around to face green hair.

"Thanks Alice."

"Don't sweat it, girlfriend. These bozos need to know their place." This got a smile to Riley's and even Alice's face. It seems a little friendship was formed, even in this place.

"I see you brought a date." Riley stated the obvious, gesturing to the terrified inmate.

"Yeah. Me and hottie here are pretty close."

"Well I hope you two have fun." She nodded, giving her a wave as Alice head to the bar. The twins were pretty silent, making her turn around. No wonder they were quiet, they weren't even there! She heard chuckles behind her, making her jump. "Jesus, you two!" Whirling around she saw them behind her.

"You should have seen your face."

"It was hilarious."

They continued to laugh, as Alice head to the restroom. She frowned, knowing all too well that hell was going to break loose. "Hey hope you guys like surfing, cuz a big wave is coming."

This got them to cease their merriment, giving a look to each other. Almost on queue, a huge wave from the ladies' room rushed in.

"Surf's up."

A flash of light and they were in swim trunks, getting Riley into a bikini. One more flash and next thing she knew she was on a surfboard riding wave.

"Cheese and crackers!" She shouted, eyes wide as she got herself steady. She hadn't surfed since she was 12. Laughing beside her was two surfing blonds, surfing with ease.

"I knew she would be fun, brother!"

"I agree! Let us keep her!"

They laughed, cutting in front of her, forcing her to wipe out before she could respond.


	4. 4: jump the shark

"I don't know how you two talked me into this." The silence shattered as Riley let out a characteristically dramatic groan. The young woman found herself wearing water skis, hanging onto the handle attached to a motorboat. And who is sailing the boat?

"It is because we are right." Yep. Los hermanos. The twins. One sat behind the wheel as the other rested by his side, giving her words of 'comfort.'

"You need not fear for your insignificant life, we intend on having much more fun with you."

"Yeah, that is not helping. Just warp me out if I'm about to get maimed or the like. Now go before I realize what I'm doing." Eyes were clenched shut only to open again.

As they shared a knowing look, the Twins started the engine. Riley felt the tug on the rope as she began to be dragged along. "Man, I haven't done this since last summer with Perce." She muttered, fighting the force of the water to keep her feet apart. She was finally upright, her legs wobbly as the boat pulled her across the water.

"It looks like the Riley has done this before." The passenger Twin smirked, watching as the green hair flew in the female's eyes which triggered a 'fuck' from the skier.

"Let us kick it up a notch." Driver twin chuckled as he shifted the boat's gears, the knots increasing in speed.

"Whoa, whoa!" They heard behind them, broadening their duplicate grins. Soon there was a scream and then a splash, as soon laughter and the noises of the engine were left. Then in a flash of green, a soaking wet Riley was in board, shivering and shooting glares at the still laughing aliens. "Not cool, guys."

"Incorrect.."

"That was so cool, your body temperature is now cold."

Wow that sounded incredibly lame. But at this point, being a week now since she found herself in this obscure and obscene world, Riley had gotten accustomed to their chummy banter. She just rolled her eyes and fought her own smile. "Yes, I am now freezing, woe is me." She snickered, green hair bumping at her vision. "I've gotta admit, this was a good idea. Superjail has been pretty boring these last few days."

And oh, that would soon end. Suddenly from the shore, she could see a stone fist punching itself out of the ground, the faint screaming of the local secretary as he flew up, crashed down, and broke off the ball of the mace.

"Well that's new-hey!" Riley groaned, head swimming again from the sudden molecular relocation.

"the warden has found a little something something."

"The ancient city of Pummelonia has risen."

"Combaticus!"

Two blond heads whirled around to face the cheering human, wearing a possibly puzzled expression. She on the other hand, brought down her raised arms, clearing her throat. "What? I like the name."

It didn't take long for Riley to find herself back in the penitentiary Superjail, grumbling once again about teleporting.

"Did you hear about Fight City?" "Fight what?"

This got the green haired gal to roll her eyes, only to find herself being dragged along whilst wearing roller skates. "Sweet Jesus's tidy whities! What is going through your heads?!"

"If the Warden has built the ultimate fighting arena-"

"We must build the ultimate fighting machine."

"Well that's nice-cheese and crackers you did it again!" Warped again, Riley tried to regain her footing. Her feet still wore skates, wheels rolling and bringing her feet out from under her, landing with a thud on the ground.

"You should be a bit more careful."

"You might slip."

"Screw you too."


End file.
